Forgiveness 101 (20)

Note from the writer:

Escribir en Ingles en un pequeña aventura en la que me estoy embarcando, no se asusten, volveré a hacerlo en Español en la próxima entrega, pero en este hermoso país, vivo, pienso y respiro en Ingles. Mil disculpas si esto les ocasiona alguna molestia. Sus comentarios son siempre bien recibidos.

When I was a freshman in College, I had a wonderful friend. Her name was Valentina. She was kind and sweet and very loyal. She taught me everything I needed to know about being a friend, a best friend to be exact. We were inseparable. We had long and engaging conversations about every topic under the sun. We took trips around the country and around the world, it was perfect. I had never had a friend like that in my life.

One day, after a series of mishaps and terrible misunderstandings, it was over. The details of the many issues we had are irrelevant now, but I take full responsibility for the end of our friendship. I was heartbroken, I apologized to Valentina a million times, I pleaded with her and begged her to give me another chance. She refused. No matter how hard I tried she could not bring herself to forgive me.

The last time I saw her was 12 years ago. Since then, I have had many great friends, incredible friends, the best in the world, I still do, but none like Valentina. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she had forgiven me. I'll never know, but everything happens for a reason, or so they say.

Although I was very young, that experience taught me a valuable lesson, it taught me the importance of forgiveness, both asking for it and granting it. Since that painful loss, I have been able to restore many broken relationships by experiencing the power of forgiveness, and it is now a subject I am no longer afraid of, as a matter of fact. I am mesmerized by its depth and meaning and plan to adopt it as a way of life.

We hear the phrase "nobody is perfect" all the time. However, in reality, we expect everyone around us to be perfect. We even have the nerve to expect ourselves to be mighty wonderful and incapable of making any mistakes. Even as a write these lines about not wanting to be perfect, I struggle thinking " I am not a good enough writer", nobody is going to want to read this" they will never come back to my blog". Ironic isn't it?. But what happens when the ones we love make mistakes, betray us, lie to us, cheat on us, ignore us, hurt us?. We become indignant and judgmental; We decide that enough is enough and that we will not put up with their actions for another second. We end up living our lives holding grudges, resenting others, questioning ourselves and our fellow humans and so on and so forth...what an exhausting way to live that is.

I can't say that I know everything there is to know about forgiveness, I have a tough time forgiving myself and letting go of feelings like shame and guilt, but I can honestly tell you that I love to forgive, I don't enjoy the pain others cause me. Don't get me wrong; especially those I care about so deeply, but when someone comes to me asking for forgiveness, I can't help but think of the many times I have been given that special gift, the many times I have been told: "It's OK. Don't worry about it. Let's move on. It's behind us." When I think about how God has forgiven me a million times and still loves me unconditionally, without keeping record of my multiple wrongdoings, I am amazed. So when life gives me the opportunity to return the favor, I do my best to swallow my pride, clean my wound and say, "it's OK. Let's move on, I still love you."

As humans, we are a work in progress, a never ending project, constantly changing and growing. If you would allow me, I will share one more thing with you - and this is no secret. I am certain that I will hurt the ones I love again, that I will ignore them and even neglect them at some point during this journey we call life. After all, nobody is perfect, but when that happens, please give me time. I will come back begging for another chance, and even though I might not deserve it, I hope you give it to me anyway.

If you are reading this today, and in some way, recently, a few days or a few months ago, or even 12 years ago, I caused you harm, I truly hope and pray that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

We all lose friends...We lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." ~ Amy Marie Walz